Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Outrageous!

In case you've been living in a hole on Uranus and you haven't heard, I've published two insanely funny books, and you can buy a digital version of either one today--right now, in fact--for just $2.99.

Both books have five-star reviews on Amazon, but if that isn't good enough for you, here's some completely unbiased critical acclaim from someone who should know what's righteous and what's wrongteous…my hubby:
My wife's two books, Unholy Babble and Conversations with @JesusWife, are absolutely outrageous. And I do mean outrageous!
See? So what're you waiting for? Go! Buy!




Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Pulling the old "movie yawn" trick

My faithful Twitter disciple @darcrich has done it again. He's unearthed yet another incriminating photo of my hubby in a compromising position--or, as @darcrich says, "pulling the old movie yawn trick." With a woman who bears a striking resemblance to @TheTawniest (I'll get you, my pretty).


I haven't yet had a chance to carbon-date this photo to determine its age, so I don't know whether it's new or old. Judging by the woman's hair style and clothing, however, it appears to be circa late 1980s, around the time when the movie The Last Temptation of Christ was released. Which, of course, makes perfect sense, in light of the subject matter.

All I can say is, my hubby damn well better have a good explanation for this behavior. Unless he's decided that crucifixion isn't so bad after all.

While I'm at it, maybe I can get him to tell me what the woman was thinking. Anyone care to hazard a guess? How about you, Tawni?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Critical acclaim for my new book!

My new book, Conversations with @JesusWife, was just released this morning, and already the critical acclaim is pouring in!
"How are you supposed to pronounce the title? Conversations with at JesusWife? Ridiculous." --my dad
"Now, now, Dear. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." --my mom 
"I don't think Jesus had a wife, but who am I to judge?" --Pope Francis
"Forty-seven percent of the population will probably like this book." --M. Romney
"Maybe Russia will grant you asylum too?" --E. Snowden
"I would say something nice if there was something nice to say." --my dad
"Dear, you're going to hurt her feelings. Why don't you and your friend Judas go play golf or something?" --my mom
"This book will be more popular than Jesus." --J. Lennon 
"I'll make sure this book is less popular than the Beatles, if that's even possible." --Jesus 
"Best book I ever read. Now where's my 30 pieces of silver?" --Judas
Don't be the last on your block to experience the fun! Download Conversations with at JesusWife today! Just $2.99 on Amazon.

 
 
 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Rare photo of my hubby surfaces!

Most people think cameras didn't exist until the 1800s, but that's because they never heard of Steve the Photographer. Miraculously, Steve was present when Jesus got his first wedgie, and he managed to capture the moment on papyrus (it was film that wasn't invented until the 1800s):


Pretty cool that Steve's crude little prehistoric camera also captured Jesus's words, huh? Beat that, Kodak!

P.S. Peter was last seen wandering in the desert, telling Satan to stop getting behind him.

Thanks and a tip of the fedora to my disciple @darcrich for digging this historical (and hysterical) Kodak moment out of the garbage--er, I mean the archives!


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I'm a mermaid!

So there I was, minding my own business as usual, when @darcrich tweets to me and the rest of the Wakin' Bacon gang (@arieswriter and @Birdseye1), "Good morning. I prefer my mermaids without holes. https://twitter.com/darcrich/status/339323950985277440/photo/1."

So I RT him and reply, "Unholy mermaid?"

And what does he do, less than an hour later? He fires back with this tweet: "Unholy mermaids? Unholy Babble Mermaids!" And he includes a link to my book (Unholy Babble...duh) along with a link to this, um, colorful, previously unpublished photo of me, posing on a rock...in my "altar" ego, shall we say, as a mermaid. Or, as I like to call it, a MEmaid.


What can one possibly say in response to THAT?

Precisely. Nothing.

I was speechless. Unlike Darryl Hannah, who blabbed her way through "Splash" like she was auditioning for the role of Michele Bachmann.

One follower who saw this picture commented that it looks like I'm sitting on a pile of poo. I'm surprised that was the worst of the comments. But I'm sure I speak too soon, as the day is still young...


Thursday, April 4, 2013

The GOP's idea of a "universal background check"

Yesterday I tweeted something idiotic my hubby said ("Universal background checks? Why can't I keep using the ones with the nice beach picture on them?"), and today the ever-brilliant @darcrich delivered a classic comeback: "Your new GOP checks are enclosed."


Bill O'Reilly, take note: the Easter Bunny is holding an Easter gunny!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A more suitable choice for Satan

I almost forgot...@darcrich also came up with this Satan character for the History Channel's UNHOLY BABBLE miniseries, based on my historically accurate and totally factual book! I don't know about you, but I think this Satan beats the Obama look-alike in The Bible all to hell...